Neit

I’m out of friendster’s blog. For the second time, I’m shifting to another blog. I would call that private diary.

tienzyee

Verse 1
I lie awake at night
See things in black and white
I’ve only got you inside my mind
You know you have made me blind

Verse 2
I lie awake and pray
That you will look my way
I have all this longing in my heart
I knew it right from the start

CHORUS
Oh my pretty pretty boy
I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too
Oh my pretty pretty boy
I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside
Make me stay right beside you

Verse 3
I used to write your name
And put it in my frame
And sometimes I think I hear you call
Right from my bedroom wall

Verse 4
You stay a little while
And touch me with your smile
And what can I say to make you mine
To reach out for you in time

CHORUS
Oh my pretty pretty boy
I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too
Oh my pretty pretty boy
I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside
Make me stay right beside you

BRIDGE
Oh pretty boy (x3)
Say you love me too

CHORUS
Oh my pretty pretty boy
I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too
Oh my pretty pretty boy
I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside
Make me stay, ooo right beside you.

I’ve got nothing to say, the song sums up everything. I knew within myself I’ve got to go on. But again, I’ve so much to say, that I turns out having nothing to say. This…have been playing again and again in my head. Yes, again, I have nothing to say, nothing anymore.

Juz feel like wanna write something…2pm now..Juz woke up, woke up at 10, hung on the phone for one hour, not gonna tell y, then sleep back…Very hungry, missed breakfast as usual and late lunch, yet dun feel like going out…Very hot, i mean my head, dun know y but hopefully ok.

Some said I’m tough, i don know y, i don know whether its true but i certainly dont feel so. Tough person certainly wont do wat i do.. Anyway, i’ll write other stuff…

About me!!!

I sleep a lot…hehe
I can’t live without my songs. Your songs? nah… (Uncle Bee gave me my first album..hehe)
I felt the only thing that understands me is my songs, and it speaks all i want to speak.
I chatted more than i talk. (same with pys…big problem)
I don’t have much friends. (I realized it lately but i have some great friends who i don’t want to lose)
I’m a lucky fella.(Indeed very lucky)
I think I almost died on several occasion.(I regretted and sorry for the second one, which almost cause others too)
I hate dirty things, and I hate dirty people touching me, I don’t want to get dirty in first place.
I’ve never got number 1 in exam before…sigh, seems like the number never liked me.
I have a lot of secrets..hehe
I’m a deep thinker.
I have wonderful dreams.
I have great determination.(someone told me so)
I’m lazy.(I’m hardworking because I realized even if i drag on, I have to finish it, so hardworking forcefully i guess)
I have great sense.
Sometimes I’m naive to be cheated but sometimes i read your mind well.
I have a lot of ideas… including crazy one.
I’m a perfectionist(and i think i still is)
I hate smokers, addicts, noisy motorcycles.
I love cars, yatchs, submarines, fighter jets.
I love blocks (lego, lasy)
I never say die(this is troublesome)
I love readings(magazines, comics, books, but ever since i came utp, i lost the habit)
One of my friend called me strange name and i love it, cause it sounds nice…not going to tell anyway.

tienzyee

Sunshines!!! haha…This morning found out UTP installed WIFI for us. Whoa..So nice, tried it on the spot and the speed…marvellous…haha…can even online MSN (blocked it? :P)
Then juz now someone asked me why I looked so free all the time. Lol, haha… Yea la, free all the time, cause I lazy, lol.. Got a lot stuff to do actually, not yet do, designs, dinners, revisions, cleaning, and filing. That’s so much… hehe..anyway i think i always free all the time, that’s why i’m so bored here…zzzz…

tienzyee

Am i juz an ordinary person in ur eyes? Am i so bad that i never got a place in ur heart even juz for a moment?

I woke up each day and most of the time the first thing i thought is you. I’ve got sleepless night cause of u too. I’ve been wondering , I can’t stop it, It juz came and the harder i tried, the harder it is to forget. I wondered what are you thinking at all. At times I felt stupid, very very stupid, for loving u this much, but i couldn’t help , it came and it stays, what can i do? Say no and cheat myself? It’s painful and tough, my heart is painful u know? Even if i know i can’t force u, but its painful. Sometimes i felt I’ll be happier to be cheated , to think there’s a chance, rather than knowing the truth. Its like there’s something stuck in my heart and throat, and the heart is so pain, but i guess no one is going to understand it at all. Nobody. All this hard time, just a few on my side, even the person that i thought should be on my side are busy studying, busy for something else, I’m disappointed… and one of them are u too. I have too much to tell, yet i wouldn’t dare to open my mouth, wouldn’t dare to try.
Thinking logically, all this while, the one that really cared for me is not u, but someone else, why? It’s funny, but it’s painful, too painful to bear, and i wonder why i bear it?
Things i did for u, i juz want to see u smile, even juz for a second, but i felt like those smiles are forced, it’s a smile but it’s like u’re forced to. I don’t want to hear thanks or sorry or any other thing, juz wan u to understand, but it seems u never did. I began to understand the meaning just beside but miles apart, I dont know what kept us apart but I’ve known that long ago, juz that i kept believing, believing something stupid i guess.
And all this while, i think there’s something hidden, and i still think it is…

how did i get here? how did i fall?

why didn’t i see this coming? i didn’t predict
this at all.

you love me no longer. you want me no more.

my heart is shattered, my soul has drowned.

i feel a great darkness embrace me, and i cannot
fight free.

am i so worthless, of so little value?

why am i never enough for anybody?

why don’t you ever notice how much you make me
suffer?

why aren’t you ever sad, or lonely, or
pained?

i love you so much, every single thing about
you.
in my eyes no one will ever be as perfect as you.

the laugh, the kiss, the touch, the voice, the
eyes and the soul.

for you i’ve cried a thousand tears, and they’ve
never lessened the pain.

every morning i wake up and my heart is
sore.

no one can save me from this bottomless pit of
misery but you.

                                    you don’t even know how broken i am.

I told myself that God had forgotten me…

After a lifetime of pain and nights filled with
loneliness
He had no one for me to love
Just move on, it will be ok.
And then I met you.

I knew it was all wrong,
But I looked into your beautiful eyes… and
I let you in…
Into my heart, into my family, into my home.

You gave me hope when I had none.
A second chance.
You took my hand and let me think about

A life with a man who would love me and my
children…

Fantasy… or foolishness?

It is so rare to find someone to connect with,

Someone to open up your heart to
When it finally, if ever, comes along, it should
be cherished and prized.
Love so sweet that the night is not long enough
for all the kisses to be shared.
I always said that after a lifetime of looking

I would know him as soon as I met him.

I would know he was the one.
Hold on tight and don’t him let go.

But then,
You learned you were not free…
To love, to share, to plan, to care.
With each day you pulled farther away.

Your heart is now hard and filled with pain.

You shut me out, pushed me away.

WAIT! Come back! Please don’t leave me…

Hold me, kiss me, tell me it will be ok, what
about the dreams we talked about?
The love we shared? The love still to be had
and made?
Please don’t go… please.

This pain is just too much to bear. My heart
aches for you.
I’m begging, pleading for just a small amount
of your time.
To connect with you once more.
When did I become this way? Why did I become
this way?
Surely being alone is less painful than the
humiliation of
crying for a man who doesn’t want me.

Why God why? Haven’t I cried enough in my
lifetime?
What transgression am I paying for?
How could you be so cruel?
I survived my dark night.

~

Today is a new day. Springtime.
The newness of the season.
New beginnings.
Just move on. It will be ok.

Perhaps someday he will see that maybe I was
the one that God sent to him.
The woman for him to love, to cherish, to give
him hope, to hold his hand.
The woman to give him a home with laughing
children.
The woman who would never hurt him like the others
before
Whose heart has known pain, and would never hurt
this man she loves.

But life is all about choices.

Let him go… Let him go… and cry for what
could have been.
Let him go… Let him go… and cry for what
will never be.
The nights of passion, beautiful brown-eyed children,
a life filled with love.
Let him go.
Let him go.
And be glad, not sad, for the short time we loved
each other.

Let
him
go.

Original author:
Barb Propester

Got my exam result last week…Kinda suprising for me as I didnt expect to get an A for IBIS since i kinda panicked and worried the moment i saw the questions. Shot a lot in objectives, crapped in subjectives, I end up trying to finish the paper as soon as possible because it’s the last paper and I wanted to go back. So the moment I’m out of the exam hall, I asked myself, why don’t just sit back for another 30 minutes and try to figure out a way out, giving a better and convincing answer rather than just let it be, stupid. Luckily a few person said just don’t bother about it.

So, when i knew the result gonna out at 12pm on Thursday , I said my IBIS and Maths gonna be smoke.

That night I slept early cause wanna wake up early to see the result but then i lazily woke up at 11.50. Haha. 12pm i already refreshing and cursing. Make me wake up and then still no result. Hungry some more. So i gave up at 12.30 and head for dinner.

At 6.30, i got wind that the result is out. This time I said who cares. I going to sleep till 7 and then go for dinner then only worry about it. But then, i gave up, lol. Within minutes I already in USM waiting for dinner but the person said 7pm only start cooking, if wanna eat, eat chap fan(argh). So i go online and try to check my result. Forgotten my exam id, lol. I memorize it this morning and i forgotten it again. Shot a few but unlike last time , this time i didnt get it, Frustrated I go for dinner. At USM , almost everyone knew their results already except Tay and KS i think. KS and me tried to use our lame handphone to check the result but since its a lame handphone, we cannot get it. My phone said the phone browser didnt support it(IPHONE!!!). So i finished my dinner and go for it.
After keying in the details, pressed ok, I said don’t look la..sure teruk this time. Then i click other place, read thestar. Takle masuk…. Click back. A, A, A-, A, A …wth.. see down, 3.95…wth… see side.. 3.88…wth….then arghhhhhhhh…why not 4 flat….arghhhhhhhh…… then curse la… thought can get 4 flat once..lol…haha…

Anyway, not too happy about it…. not gonna say why, but this is not really what i want….

P/S: Really wish I can say loudly and proudly at least once…. I flatten it this time…argh

tienzyee

Another year goes on, a very different year indeed. Away from home doesn’t sound very nice to me at first but sooner or later I’ve got to accept it. Thankfully it’s not that hard to adjust.

I’ve never thought I’ll be studying IT in UTP. Used to dream of overseas universities or Sunway doing business courses. Oh well…after all it’s not that bad in UTP… hehe…

Thinking again, it seems like the years goes very fast. Maybe the busy(busy?) life make it fast..or perhaps sleeps too much = time flies faster? hmmm…

Unlike some people who have photos in their blog, you can’t see a single one here..why? hmm..cause i don’t know how to upload one…haha…i did try long ago but end up frustrated ..so easy way out…don’t do it..haha… another reason is i don’t have a camera or a camera phone (thinking of Iphone…oh i love it)…

Where should i start?

From MAS(orientation week), the funniest will be the fire drill. I think the fire alarm(fake) rang at 4.30am. I did woke up, a bit blur and go on sleeping..haha…then after a while got people bang my door, shouting something(who cares rite?). So i go on sleeping. Then the noise goes on. Fed up, i opened the door and told him, I’m not Muslim and so I don’t have to wake up so early for prayers, so get out of my way(add-on) and when I’m about to slam the door, he said to me, fire drill. Blurred, i asked again, what? Fire drill… Har? …Oh..em, wait, i changed my clothes(fire got time change clothes? exercise ma, relax lar) Then i selamba walk out. Then i see one big bunch of stupids(yeap, what for wake up so early and guai-guai wait like siao people there?). Then got one fella asked me to wait at one side, i looked at them and said , hey this gonna be wrong. Then we all jadi sui yi (har..sleep more = simbah more…sigh). Sui yi mar…name also sui d..mandi lar apa lagi….So cold..felt like wanna mob and curse that fella.. Stupid no brain ar you all? People come out late also wrong, sick how? Don’t you know the water is cold? Laugh some more.. One day hope you all get it, then I’m the one who laughs back. Damn unlucky…argh…

Then time flies and fly and then semester over. Lol.

Semester break went to Redang with JS, just two of us. Haha. I asked him to call several people but he gave some valid and strong reason and so just we two went there. Just went for 2 days as I have to rush back to Kuantan to go for holiday with my grandpa. We went to Genting, Ipoh, Taiping and Penang. From Penang i took bus back to KT as my mum wants to bring me to Kelantan for a day. After came back from Kuantan, the holiday almost over and so I’m back to UTP. Oh ya, got my result through WS while I’m in Kek Lok Si , lol…kinda ok but not as i dream of ..haha(it’s not wrong to dream high high what…haha, juz a dream anyway).

Then the semester goes on, without Gary(he got an offer overseas..i still wonder how on earth he got it, I want it too). And Saf, one of my coursemate who got an offer to Australia for Business Admin (I almost chopped her when i knew she got what i want…oh well) still in UTP. I said wth you doing here when you’re suppose to be overseas. She said she got a small accident and missed the registration. I said wth, not even an accident shall stop me from going overseas(only one thing) if i’m her. She can call and give the medical bill or watsoever to register late. Argh. Wasted.

Then, the semester over again and comes the holiday. Further info read other blog.. I’m too hungry to blog d. Can feel the pain, very very hungry. Going to Ipoh on Friday. Hehe…chinese food and also shops here i come..

P/S : Iphone rocks.. get it for me anyone…plzzzzzzzzzzz…

tienzyee

Well, i’ve wrote about life in UTP but thats when the semester starts, now i going to blog about the life during the holiday. It’s actually kinda boring because we don’t have internet connection back in village 2 and to online we’ll need to sneak into other village and simply find empty house to online. As for food, i would say its horrible. Morning on weekdays USM and village 5 cafe will be open but at night only village 5 cafe will be open. On Hari Raya Haji break it’s worse, no cafe open at night, resulting in dinner in jarum emas about 1.5 kilometer away, yeap, 1.5 kilometer, i guess so because from the sports complex to petrol station is already 500 meter(knew it when i walked half dead from the main gate to the village 2 that morning). As for supper, dream lar…if you need supper you’ll need to go to jarum emas again(the people there like halau flies all the time..haha)

Think that’s what i can blog. No mood to write long long now…

tienzyee